So, rather unceremoniously, it was over.
I wanted to do something big. I wanted to shake some foundations, and maybe challenge perceptions. What made me think about it was something another deserting rat said. I was telling said rat about me and Phil sitting around on Monday mornings, eating Sausage Rolls. The rat, quite sadly told me that he had never experienced anything like that - pure unadulterated insubordinance. It made me feel bad for the group as a whole.
But then I wondered how far it would get me. Like fucking on the front lawn of a retirement home. It's not as if all these old people would suddenly remember how fun sex was and start sneaking into each others rooms at night or asking for viagra on the next medication review. The only vision I could forsee involved the police and me avoiding the old folks home for a few days until dimentia kicked in and I wasn't recognised anymore.
So I just smiled, returned false sentiments and secretly abused privileges. Fuck I hate being such a pacifist (read: pussy). Even after a short message about the multiple faces that had been shown in my absence, I just smiled as the Dick penetrated my anus for it's last desperate time.
I felt dissapointed more than I did sad. I vowed to not let it affect my new start.
Until the evening when I faced them once more, and I genuinely believed that someone was going to miss me. That's when, for a brief, unresolved, moment, I felt like I was going to cry. As quickly as it came, it passed, leaving me feeling ripped off again.
At the end of the day, it's thier loss. And their loss is my new beginning. Here's hoping i'm appreciated a bit more there.